Memoir/Profile

It was June 16th, 1994. The weather was beautifully warm; the sun was shining brightly, a slight wind, and  78little girl degrees. I was sitting on front porch of my house (on an old wooden rocking chair) seven months pregnant. I was immersed deeply in my own world of thoughts when I was pull back to reality by a soft, tender and small hand on my shoulders. I turned to look over my shoulder, and there she was a beautiful angel like face of my four year old little girl.

“Mommy, what’s wrong, you look sad” she replied. Tears started to fall down my face, I looked at her, chocking on my own words I said, “Nothing is wrong honey, why don’t you go and play.” She look at me perplexed as if she knew I was lying to her, she could tell that my heart was broken and I just did not know how to tell her. “It’s okay mommy, you will be okay, we will be okay, I love you” and she put her little arms around my neck and squeezed me as hard as she could. Those few precious word, I still hear them, even 19 years later.

This was my fifth pregnancy yet my fourth consecutive loose. I have a tendency to miscarry my babies in the second and third trimester, due to this fact I visit my doctors once a week. Unfortunately, Doctors have not yet figured out what causes me to lose my pregnancies in such advanced stages.  As it is not dangerous to carry a still born child inside you for a few days, my doctor allowed me to go home to grief my loose of the baby and to seek for some sort of support.

I watched my little girl as she ran down the stairs to go and play with her toys in the front yard. I thought to myself: such simple words used in such simple ways. My little girl that still lives in a sheltered world filled with love could so easily pick up on my body language and know how I felt even though my words did not communicate the pain and anguish I felt inside.  I was devastated, did not know how to go inside my house and face my husband and give him the terrible news. I felt as I had let him down. I felt as if I had done something wrong and caused one more miscarriage. To make matters worse this was another baby boy —that I had lost—that we had lost. My little girl’s words give me courage to stand up and go inside and face my husband. “it will be okay, we will be okay” went through my mind over and over. However, knowing how hard this was going to be, I gathered myself, stood up, and walked through the front door.

Those words of comfort and encouragement, goes through my mind ever so often when I face difficulties in my life. From those words, I was able to draw the strength I needed to face a difficult situation. My little girl was right, everything was going to be okay, I was blessed to have five more beautiful children (with eleven more miscarriages) that I love very dearly.

Work Citied:

Angel Whatcott, .Personal Experience. 16 06 1994.

 

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